Takashi

Raising Idiots

2012-01-30T10:06:00.000-08:00

Mrs. Takashi and I went to see American Idiot. Wonderful music, great cast, engaging sets. The story is still haunting me 24 hours later.

I know my home is as far from broken as can be - I have these incredibly awesome children and a wife that tolerates my idiosyncrasies. Yet, this musical really makes a convincing argument that teens are destined for hardship. Not just by fate, they actively seek it out. Here's a wikipedia of the storyline, for those who can't be bothered with ticket-prices and venue transportation.

I'm disturbed because I'm focusing too much on the teenage pregnancy and heroin usage - rather, the optimist in me should realize that the children DO come home at the end, the protagonist DOES kick his addiction, and even though life throws too much, too soon, regular idiots can rise to the occasion. I remember when I left suburbia home (practically unheard of among tightly-knit, Chinese families) - how risky that must have seemed to my mom and dad. I'll definitely be worrying when I'm on the other-side of the moving van.

Oh Joy. There are plans to make this into a motion picture, so I'll most-likely be revisiting these scars again - and my kids will be even closer to their own teenage years.

Stupid groundbreaking Broadway musical. Hey, did you know "The Addams Family" is now a musical, too? Neither did I. No damn heroin junkies in that show - seriously. Morticia and Gomez are true parenting geniuses.

Where's my life right now? I'm still fixing Apple castoffs in my spare time. Two iPods with two more to go, plus an iPad 2. It's our intention that the tablet be used to augment my son's education (no eyerolling allowed!) I'll be watching over them this weekend in the midst of Superbowl Sunday.

Be safe you guys.

Stop the Stop Online Piracy Act

2012-01-17T20:42:00.000-08:00

Hallowe'en y'all

2011-10-31T14:38:00.000-07:00

All crazy in Takashi's house for Hallowe'en (and why should this year be any different?)

My fridge magnet collection:

(from top left: brain, zombie head, heart, lungs with trachea, and stomach with small and large intestines)

Made from Crayola© ModelMagic™ and reclaimed hard drive magnets.

For this year's costume, I was inspired by this guy:

Yes, he's death-incarnate in a cute, cuddly, form only found in the finest corporate Chinese sweat-shops. He was also in my field of vision as I was pondering what I would be for Halloween this year.

I made some rough measurements, did some in-depth analysis, pored over various images (not porn) and got a list of materials together (okay, some porn).

I didn't know how to use the sewing machine (honestly, it's the only machine that still intimidates me), so I sprang for the black hooded robe at the local Halloween costume store. The rest, I was determined to make on my own. I fashioned a paper-mache jawline by using a mixing bowl mold, made a skull wireframe using coat hangers, and draped everything with a white terrycloth towel. I did know how to stitch, so needle and thread bound the towel-skin to the frame.

The eye-sockets are just plain black felt. The nose is a piece of black plastic mesh - usually found on exterior screen doors and windows.

I also made white "mitts" for my hands using the rest of the white towel. Fold the towel in half, trace a pattern, cut it out (so you have two mirror-images), sew the edges together and turn inside-out to hide the seam.

I had to next make the bone pattern. Silver duct-tape to the rescue. Perfect because it adheres nicely to fabric, was readily available, reflective at night, and satisfies the number one rule for any project - must include duct-tape. I noticed the pattern had a lot of symmetry, so I needed to make a lot of mirror-image cutouts. I ended up using more of the window-screen material as a "release agent":

1. Apply a strip of duct tape onto the window-screen. Make sure the tape is long enough for the desired pattern.
2. Flip over the screen and apply a second strip of duct tape. You should now have a duct-tape "sandwich" with the screen material in the middle of the two strips of tape.
3. Use scissors to cut out the pattern. Peel the tape off of the mesh when done.

OMG, so spooky. Seriously, Death just wants a hug.

I liked this project because I felt more-connected with the whole Halloween experience by hand-making (most of) my costume. With each stitch, I felt more ~~psychotic~~ festive and nostalgic. I was in a place before Wal-Mart and pre-formed synthetics.

Okay, you can stop staring at my duct-tape crotch now.

Current Events

2011-09-25T16:10:00.000-07:00

I fixed an electrical outlet today (yeah, the title is a bad pun).

I know a couple of brilliant electricians, and I've also been electrocuted by an outlet before - so I'm really proud that I was able to do this repair. Here are my takeaways:

1. Was able to accurately decipher my circuit-breaker layout and deactivate the correct circuit.
2. Used my voltmeter, set the proper setting, and determine correct voltage present
3. Acquired the correct type of GFCI outlet with metal cover (this was an outdoor outlet)
4. Retro-fit the new outlet and cover into the existing outlet space

For step #2, I needed YouTube's guidance. I didn't want to destroy myself or my voltmeter, so knowing the proper setting and the correct orientation of the probes was key. I'm less-afraid of electricity today.

Bottom feeders

2011-09-12T16:39:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I enjoy the occasional dumpster-dive - perhaps (if you'll allow a bit of auto-psychoanalysis) it stems from a lifetime of saving: putting money away for college, then med-school, then a house, then the kids' college tuitions et cetera.

Usually, when people dumpster-dive, they come away with a nice shirt, maybe a gaudy lamp, or old National Geographic back issues.

I got fifteen laptops.

Now, I should mention that this was no ordinary dumpster. It was actually the electronics recycling pile at my office. We often use prototype hardware to develop our semiconductors on and, well, these prototype laptops were a few years old. They have very prominent stickers that have interesting phrases like "Not for resale" and "The materials used within are confidential and are not to be shared..." It's all rather sexually stimulating really.

But there they were, all stacked in a nice, tidy pile waiting for their next owner(s).

The laptops themselves are in perfect shape, but they didn't have any AC Adapters (apparently, the lab engineers hold on to those) and the batteries, understandably, no longer held charge.

"Tish-tosh", I thought. I can get those items myself. To the internet!

eBay is wonderful in bringing Hong Kong vendors right to your monitor. Herein, however, lies the crux of my problem and the inspiration for this post's title. You can pay a fraction of the retail price for a third-party HP AC Adapter. Which is what I did. The item arrived and....would not sufficiently provide power. My laptop's charge light would blink - struggling to pull electrons from the power-brick. It had to go back. My money (minus the shipping charge and time) was refunded. Strike one.

"Alright", I pondered. Let's try someone different. Another PayPal transaction later and a few more weeks of waiting and I had a second AC Adapter to play with.

...for exactly nine minutes. That's when the innards of the adapter decided to celebrate Independence day by detonating twice. The LED indicator on the brick fizzled and this piece of equipment was confirmed dead. Strike two for me.

So now, I've learned that bottom feeders do exist on eBay. Maybe their profit margins are solely based on their shipping and handling charges - just shuffling these shiny parts that are mere moments away from the landfill. It doesn't seem like a very solid business-model, but I'm not the one with an entire warehouse of these things (yet). In any case, I will not be deterred. I'm determined to find a reputable dealer for AC Adapters and batteries. I know they're out there and I'll still get a great deal. Once those are in place, the fun really begins on Black Friday, where I predict several deals will be had on laptop memory and solid-state drives.

Also, I'm getting over a nasty virus (that'll teach me to borrow my son's toothbrush). So nasty, in fact, that my coughing fits actually broke my butt. So I'm taking ibuprofen for my own bottom. I expect my ass to be 100% in another week.

Stay healthy, my friends.

The In-Laws

2011-08-11T12:57:00.000-07:00

I learned a lot about my in-laws on our last family vacation. We stayed with them in the beautiful Pacific Northwest. We did a lot of driving.

The main thing I learned about my in-laws is: they could really use a GPS.

We didn't get too lost too often, but being as technologically-embedded as I am, I found it rather curious that they haven't drunk-the-satellite-Kool-Aid that the majority of other travelers have.

It just so happened that I still had a Garmin Nuvi sitting on my basement desk. Of course, this one met an unfortunate fate at the hands of my child (I still do not know which one - and they ain't tellin). Still, I suppose some of the blame is mine, because not only was the GPS on the floor but a spring-loaded nail-setter was mere inches away...

Cardinal rule of gift-giving: Don't give a broken gift.

Did you know they sell replacement touchscreen digitizers on eBay? Neither did I.

Again, I armed myself with the knowledge of a few online videos documenting how to take-apart a Garmin Nuvi. The pristine screen arrived from Hong Kong - with a catch. The connectors did not match. The screen itself was the right dimensions and had the correct number of contacts. Then I saw the fine print: soldering may be required.

I know when I'm over my head and soldering orange ribbon cable is over my head. I needed to call in a favor. The really neat thing is, when you fix an Electrical Engineer's laptop, he'll very graciously solder your orange ribbon cables together. Four quick dabs of a low-power iron and I had reclaimed another gadget from the landfill.

I also updated the maps - because I don't want to put anyone through THAT hell.

Hopefully, this will keep them on-course, saving them gas, time, and sanity.

Maybe I should load the Star Wars voices, too?

More distractions! Yay!

2011-07-29T05:38:00.001-07:00

Sometimes being a dad makes you do crazy stuff.

Take for example, my 9 year-old son. He goes into an Apple store one time and he walks out with the idea that he can NO LONGER SURVIVE without an iPod. (Yes, I've denied him an iPod for 9 years - do not report me to Child Protective Services) In particular, a fourth-generation iPod Touch with an 8 Gigabyte capacity.

Rather than just whip out the credit-card and fork over my 1's and 0's to Apple, I start Google.

Did you know there's an ENORMOUS supply of broken fourth-generation iPod Touches with an 8 Gigabyte capacity on eBay? Neither did I.

But, my son deserves better than broken. So I asked myself the next illogical question:

"How difficult is it to fix one of these things?"

I asked this not only for financial reasons, but for extending the Return-On-Investment for this item - because if it broke once, chances are, my son will break it again.

This produced quite a few results on YouTube - two videos in particular were shot in very high quality with excellent narrative detail. I had the knowledge, now I need to acquire the items.

Back to eBay to monitor auctions for about a week. I was hunting for:

An iPod Touch that still functioned but with a shattered digitizer. Unit needs to power on, have both cameras working, seen by iTunes, have external and headphone sound, and wifi.

A replacement digitizer glass

A replacement LCD - even though the LCD was fine on the iPod, the digitizer is glued to the LCD at the factory and popular opinion is that if you're replacing one, you're replacing both.

USB cable for charging and connecting. Earbuds were optional.

I also had a price-threshold that I had to stay under. A new iPod Touch sells for $210 at Best Buy. A seller-refurbished (i.e. one that has been fixed by non-Apple) Touch sells for $160.

I was able to get everything for $124.

Now, to make it really profitable, I had to actually fix the thing. The iPod Touch has a lot of fragile ribbon cables (no, you can't solder them back together if something should go wrong) and a LOT of rubber cement. That was the most-surprising thing about this project - the thing is glued together. Whatever works and is cheap, I suppose.

Before:

After:

(I left the plastic screen protectors on - I'll let my son peel them off)

Final words of advice: eBay is FULL of people who will overpay for the items you're interested in, so I suggest just using the Buy-It-Now auctions. Also, "Slight Water Damage" usually means it was dropped in a toilet.

My 5 year-old daughter now wants one for herself. See you on eBay!

Current Events

2011-06-16T17:46:00.000-07:00

I've been away a bit. Distracted by the various athletic competitions...

Basketball: This was my first year of following the Boston Celtics Playoff run. I'd never had an interest in basketball before - I believe what sparked "it" for me was, actually standing on a basketball court, toes behind the three-point-line, and seeing just HOW FAR AWAY that basket was. It gave me an entirely new perspective on the athletic skill required to score from that distance, under pressure, with your name and career on that line.

Sadly, the Celtics' season ended at the hands of the Miami Heat. Of course, I then had to follow them to see if they would lose (and eventually, they did - yay).

Hockey: I was more-familiar with the Bruins and was surprised at their post-season. A very dramatic finish to an unbelievable season. Each day, sports analysts would pour over little nuances for each competition, trying to reason and predict the next victory or loss. In the end, sense and reason won out over inexplicable serendipity.

Every hockey fan knows the image of the Stanley Cup being hoisted over a players head. The player skates around the rink with it, turning awkwardly, smiling and screaming with utter joy. This was no different...except for one thing...

..this time, the player was wearing a Boston Bruins jersey.

Seeing the Cup and that jersey together in the same scene hammered it home for me.

We won. I saw and experienced it all. Not just the TV highlights, but the messageboard trolls and the radio-show callers. Stuff that you don't get with a "Commemorative DVD". I don't know if I'll ever see another one (I hope so), but I'll remember this one as long as I am able.

Congratulations to the 2011 Stanley Cup Champions - The Boston Bruins

Mystery text messages

2011-05-18T10:16:00.000-07:00

I had plurked that I was receiving mysterious texts on my phone. They were coming from an unknown (to me) phone number - but the area code was from my home state.

Last night, this happened:

Stranger: Hey, I need some help

Up until now, I've just been ignoring the texts - they were harmless "Hi" messages. But the altruist in me couldn't ignore this. I am, after all, a nice guy.

Me: What do you need help with?

S: Jumping someone at the last day of skool

Now, the parent in me steps in and feels the need to stop this before someone gets hurt or worse.

Me: Who?

S: I told u at lunch

Me: I think jumping someone is a bad idea. Also, how did you get this number?

S: U gave it 2 me remember

Me: I think you should recheck that number

S: Y aint it u

Me (feeling a little clever): Prove it 2 me. What's my name?

S: Ashely

Me: Nope. You should get Ashely's number again at lunch. And don't jump anyone plz.

From the previous texts, it's obvious to me that Ashely and this stranger are very good friends, but why would Ashely give her a totally wrong cell number? Hmmmmm....

My new toothbrush

2011-04-14T05:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I found myself at the local drugstore. When you get to my age, you start relying on several different products found in the local drugstore. Aisle after aisle of things to enhance life for the aging - It's like a Toys R Us for old people.

I have just gotten past one of the worst colds, so I was in the market for a new toothbrush (seriously, throw out the old virus-laden one - it's not doing anyone any good anymore). A particular Colgate toothbrush caught my eye, mainly because it was black. You really don't see many black toothbrushes on the market, I figured it would stand out in my blue-toned bathroom. All the better for my tired, geriatric eyesight first-thing-in-the-morning.

Colgate-Palmolive really threw all the special effects on this brush: angled bristles, grippy dots, indicators and ergonomic handles. But the one feature that really separates this brush from EVERY other motherfuckin brush in the room:

the ribs on the head.

Seriously, my toothbrush was massaging the insides of my lips and cheeks as I was brushing. An incredible experience, let me tell you. My mouth feels fifteen years younger. I want to share this with my wife, but that crosses a few lines. I do not know what is involved with product testing and development over at Colgate-Palmolive industries, but after forty years of evolution, this toothbrush has become my favorite.

Hope this made you smile.

Our fundraising contribution

2011-04-12T19:36:00.000-07:00

Here it is:

I say this is "Our" contribution, because I actually don't own any land. My dear friend, Skatoulaki Nakamori, has agreed to host this vendor on her property.

The suit is Transferrable - would make a great gift for that special someone.

The direct SLurl is: http://slurl.com/secondlife/Kihave/199/167/49

Thank you for your generosity.

Still thinking of ALL you guys...

2011-04-06T18:09:00.001-07:00

Yeah, yeah, I haven't been on. I've been sick. Blah Blah.

Seriously, I'm still unhealthy (getting better, thank you). Give it another couple of weeks - should be good as new.

In the meantime, I'm working on a charity item for Japan. I'll slap it together, put it in a vendor, make some pictures...hopefully it'll raise some money for the Red Cross.

In the toy department, I got a Color Nook. First thing I did, of course, was root it. Now I'm getting all familiar with Android AppStores...Did you know they use these things to read *books* on? Neither did I.

I'll leave you with this - it reminds me of Maya (don't ask me to explain).

Be well. *cough*

Antisocial virii

2011-02-24T08:04:00.000-08:00

*blink* *blink*

Time: 2:12 AM

That's what I've been dealing with for the past two weeks. With each passing day, I've grown exceedingly efficient at removing phlegmatic substances from my body (yum).

My daughter will be turning 5 this weekend. You know what that means. Yes. Another opportunity for blatant copyright infringement through Photoshop. Here it is:

Google gave me the collection of Princesses - without Tiana. I had to photoshop Tiana in. Found a free-download of the purple backdrop from some desktop wallpaper site. Script font was acquired from urbanfonts.com. The giant tiara was obtained from a Disney Princess Logo GIS: Subtracted out the existing text, patched it up, and transformed it. Added shadows.

I hope she likes this cake.

Horrid and Tainted

2011-02-12T16:56:00.000-08:00

My friend, Horrid Twine, has made skins for you man-zombies out there. Female versions are forthcoming.

For L$350, you get two complexions: tanned and gray (tanned shown). It has the perfect amount of eye makeup, it's clean-shaven, and the lone teardrop really is a poetic statement about mankind's tenuous grasp on mortality.

The outfit is belleissima's Tainted Heart Hunt prize. Free for the taking. It includes a pair of shoes with a beating heart underfoot. For this photo, however, I substituted an old pair of Bone-tipped boots from Demotik.

Eat your hearts out.

Skin: Freshly Eaten Zombie Skin - Tanned - [H]orribaubles

Eyes: Bloodless - Silver - [Plastik]

Outfit: This is How a Heart Breaks - b[ELLE]issima!

Boots: Bone Tipped Boot - Demotik

Super serial

2010-12-30T21:26:00.000-08:00

The title is just to show you how little I know about South Park (I really miss Chef).

Anyway, starting January 1st is the Serial Killer Hunt. One offering is by Ben "Kras Alter" Gunz of Gilded.

There has been a definite lack of straitjackets in SecondLife and none of this quality... I do hope you'll take advantage of this and the other offerings in the Serial Killer Hunt. I know I will.

And if you cannot possibly wait until the hunt begins (or have better things to do with your time), then just pop over to Gilded or check out his Marketplace.

Devil's Work

2010-12-16T17:24:00.001-08:00

Can't have Magnet Man without...

...Magnet Dog.

(playing "fetch")

My Idle Hands

2010-12-14T15:50:00.000-08:00

I'm a tad paranoid when my hard drives die. I just don't feel comfortable sending my platters to the landfill. This, combined with over fifteen years of computer usage, results in a stockpile of dead hard drives. What to do?

Well, if you have a Torx-8 bit and some inspiration, you end up with this:

(I'm going to assume it's a male). He's made of hard drive magnets - which are unbelievably strong and rather industrial looking. The tiny red eyes are also magnets from a hard drive as well.

I took the liberty of removing the platters from the casings. The ones I couldn't remove, I drilled.

Maya, I miss you

2010-12-12T18:16:00.000-08:00

Kahula Delicioso commercial

PSA #2: Laugh with me

2010-11-28T22:18:00.000-08:00

I can't keep this to myself.

http://slamebook.wordpress.com/

The potential for this site is mind-blowing.

The Blackest of Fridays

2010-11-26T17:23:00.001-08:00

She was poultry and I was a carnivore.

We tried to make it work, but it was doomed from the start.

Goodbye, my turkey deluxe

Madness, I tell you

2010-11-22T19:06:00.000-08:00

So, I just ordered the Christmas present I'm giving my wife.

It's an i7 laptop. Way better than anything I have. She's been without a laptop for far-too-long, and our current financial situation has improved such that I can finally get this taken care of.

Jealous? You bet I am. But for $700 (plus tax), I'll take it. (If anyone wants the details of this deal let me know - it's still valid until Wednesday, the 24th)

Now, to counteract my jealousy by shopping for a new camera...

Mining Diamonds

2010-11-20T21:31:00.000-08:00

You've still got 9 days before the "Diamond is Mine" hunt ends.

Up first, these. Because I can't resist zebra-butt. ListPANTS - CheerNo

This entire avatar is in the hunt.

Skin - Dust Tan Freckles Cleavage - Mango, Mango!

Shape - Sinitta - Sophistishapes

Outfit - Tuxedo - Simply

Hair - Bug Hair (Pink) - eXceSs

My first makeup post. Take a look at those pore details. Killer!

Makeup - Moon Face Graft Male and Female - Birth

Eyes - Soul Eyes Moonlight - Birth

Thick Woollen Dress - HyperCulture

Flower (Silver) Face Tattoo - White Widow

Hair - Akira hair fatpack (Platinum) - Alli&Ali Designs

Boots - Rusty Coin (Pure White) - The Shouted Village

Definitely go here for more item pics and hints. http://sophiarossen.blogspot.com/

PSA: Registering Single-word names now available

2010-11-19T07:54:00.000-08:00

Hello,

FYI, you can register single-word names for SecondLife.

Go to SL's website and register.

I was able to get "Takashi"

Maximum of 10 allowed.

Thank you.

Gorewhore

2010-11-15T18:09:00.001-08:00

A few things about this outfit. I really like how the dirt on the shirt and suspenders matches exactly with the dirt stains on the skin. Two different creators, same coloring and patterning (I got lucky). Also, regarding the fingernails, I was able to "Edit Linked Parts" to position each nail individually - no floaty cuticles.

The boots have a colorization HUD for toeskin and nails.

This was all initially inspired by "The Walking Dead", now playing Sunday Nights on AMC.

Shape: Pleiades_A - Heaven's Shape (now extinct)

Skin: Reek of Putrefaction - Show Me on the Doll

Shirt: Zombie Boy Shirt with Suspenders - Dirty - Rotten Defiance

Shirt Collar: Dare Shirt (White) Collar - Havana

Pants: Plaid black - INDI

Shoes: Gother Boot (Blood) - Demotik

Eyes: Winter Months - Deviant Designs

Hair: Cruz (Espresso) - MADesigns

Nails: Black Long Nails by Jayden Zweig - possibly at Nikita Fride

So simple...why did I not see this before?

2010-11-12T12:19:00.000-08:00

One of the things I do is make mashup portraits. This is where you utilize Photoshop-trickery to combine an SL-avatar with a RL-figure. I typically do this because I either don't have an SL-pose for what I need, or the body-lines just look smoother than what I can get out of SecondLife, or I'm just lazy. In any case...

I believe I may have blogged about Tineye before. That's an image-analyzer website that combs the 'net and can determine what other images were used as source-material for your picture. My other photoshop buddy and I have been constantly trying to beat Tineye: using screen-capture tools, doing colorizing and pixel modifications...at each attempt, Tineye was able to see right through us.

Only recently, have I discovered a way to obfuscate the eye-of-tin.

You simply mirror your image.

Sorry, Vic

2010-11-06T22:19:00.000-07:00

For those of you keeping score, apparently Vic Zuzu lost his inworld photo-studio.

The new rage: Zuzu

2010-11-05T06:37:00.000-07:00

Those of you who follow SL-drama are probably already familiar with Vic Zuzu. He's the guy that took-over the MHOH (Make Him Over Hunt), once the original creators had a falling-out. I can applaud his initiative.

Unfortunately, that's all I can applaud about him.

Once you get past his broken-english, you start to uncover his methodologies. He's very effective at making you utterly hate him. He carpet-bombed several of my designer friends (many of whom do not make men's items and have no interest in participating in his MHO hunt), he routinely uses his style-guru fashion sense (ha) to attack others when logic fails him, he does not recognize the difference between fame and notoriety, twisted moral compass regarding intellectual property, bigoted against gays, et cetera.

In a lulzy way, I'm admiring him. I've adopted his last name for my Plurk profile and often refer to him in the third person. For example, "You cannot use large words when you try to insult The Zuzu. It just won't work."

"C'mon, Takashi...how bad can he be?" I know. I hear you. I invite you to form your own judgments regarding The Zuzu. Please visit his blog page.

http://viczuzu.blogspot.com

I made it through 3 pages of The Zuzu challenge before I went mad.

Halloween 2010: Part Two

2010-10-31T14:18:00.000-07:00

Have a safe and Happy Halloween!

Halloween 2010 part one

2010-10-24T14:20:00.001-07:00

When the wife leaves me with the kids for a weekend, stuff like this happens:

My cupcake menagerie

Vanilla with white-chocolate cream-cheese frosting. Pomegranate accents and fondant tombstone. Inspired by Horrid Twine.

Goth cross half-and-half
Chocolate w/chocolate cream-cheese frosting and fondant zombie
Chocolate with Vanilla cream-cheese frosting and fondant hand
Chocolate with chocolate cream-cheese frosting and fondant bonepile
Vanilla with white chocolate cream-cheese frosting. Fondant accents.
Megan's Purple-frosted parental nightmare
Tigger Jack-o-Lantern

Yes, I was a sucker and bought the fancy cupcake liners.

Pictures of costumes next week!

Cake Nine

2010-10-08T07:51:00.000-07:00

I'm becoming the family cake celebrity. Even my mom wanted to see pictures of my son's birthday cake this year (Hi Ma!).

This year's challenge was: Lego Atlantis

Fair enough, Lego has NO shortage of photo stock of their products. Even moreso, now that they've expanded to online and animated media. I acquired an underwater backdrop, complete with temple-ruins (he's really into Greco-Roman Architecture), some submersibles, and a pic of "Manta Warrior" - his favorite character from the series.

I threw these components into a Photoshop file and used Lego's website header - their font and design was just too good to try and reproduce by hand. Also, taking a tip from CakeWrecks, I decided to bake all the required text into the picture, rather than risk them writing something horrible in purple icing.

But, I wanted just one more element. I had done some marketing research with/on my son using the Lego Atlantis website. He'd picked out his favorite sets - one of which was a Seabed Scavenger - complete with giant claw, sawblade, and Manta Warrior. How difficult would it be to integrate this into the cake? Oh, about 30 minutes of assembly time...

So the night before, I rushed out to the local toy store, got the Scavenger, put it together, and hid it away - to be used as a cake-topper for the party. The sawblade would actually be embedded into the cake, as if they were mining for precious undersea resources, with the Manta Warrior standing guard.

Another successful party. The kids had a great time, and C. had no issues licking the frosting right off the sawblade.

The next thing my son wants: A Lady Gaga Jack-o-Lantern.

37

2010-10-03T19:22:00.000-07:00

Twenty-two years ago, I met a girl. She had this sparkling personality - the kind that takes command of an entire room. Like myself, she was blessed with the gift of a keen sense of humor. Believe me when I tell you she has not a single enemy on the entire planet. She later became my sister-in-law.

Two nights ago, my thirty-seven year old sister-in-law suffered a debilitating stroke. She has compromised right-side mobility - showing improvements in alertness after 24 hours.

I'm writing this because I know how brilliantly intuitive you all are, and how bad of a liar I am - eventually, you would sense something is going on...I thank you all for your kind thoughts and prayers - you would not be my friend otherwise.

As with everything else, I am keeping a positive outlook. It's naturally difficult trying to be funny in this situation, but I think my family is looking to me for an easy laugh and a strong shoulder during this crisis. Right now, I'm rather disjointed - making a chicken parmesan, 11 strips of bacon, and a pan of brownies for dinner - I really didn't know which direction I was going tonight. At least, everything tastes good...

We love you, C. You can beat this.

Your assistance please

2010-09-29T12:29:00.000-07:00

The following is a tiny snippet from my RL:

I had just come home from a more-stressful-than-usual day at the office. It was dark and I was hungry. I went into the kitchen to fix myself a sandwich: two slices of untoasted, multigrain bread, roasted turkey, and mayo.

My wife was on the sofa, watching "The Daily Show" on Comedy Central. I sit next to the seat next to her, about five feet away.

Wife: WHAT are you EATING?!?
Me (surprised): a....turkey sandwich?
Wife: You're chewing too loud.

Partially out of deference to Jon Stewart, my wife, and the fact that I was mentally-exhausted from my job, I tried to finish my sandwich as quietly as I could. However, it is now that I must ask for some guidance:

1. I was hungry: Those of you who know me, know that I love food. Some of you would say I take loving food to an entirely new level. It really was an effort to hide my lust for that turkey sandwich on that night - it was just so satisfying, so reliable. I also find it a source of pride being able to provide for myself and my family - having the resources to eat when I'm hungry.

2. Bread: My wife also prefers getting the multigrain varieties, which have loads of nuts, seeds, and other various plant-matter baked inside. I, myself, can do rather well on plain, soft, quiet, Wonderbread white. So, I think her loaf choice is partially to blame here.

3. Just a sandwich: I didn't go through my entire repertoire of exotic ingredients for this sandwich - I didn't even toast the bread! No potato chips, or crisp lettuce leaves, not even crunchy strips of bacon. No, the sandwich innards were, in my opinion, as quiet as they could have been.

So, am I crazy here? Do your significant others' eating volume annoy you? Have you been labelled a loud eater?

I'm wondering if I should cater to this, or lash out in the totally opposite direction and start making slurpy ramen noodles or hard-shell tacos for dinner. This, however, would go against my policy of using food as a weapon. But, is it my chewing or is my wife getting at something more? I wonder.

MHOH #4 starting Monday

2010-09-19T07:00:00.000-07:00

The fourth iteration of the "Make Him Over Hunt" will be starting Monday, Sept. 20th and will run the full four weeks, ending on October 20th.

Here's what A:S:S is offering:

..really nice pairing of the shirt with the jeans.

Photo taken by Photos Nikolaidis

Official Make Him Over Hunt blog

This is 40

2010-09-13T07:28:00.000-07:00

I turned 40 last month. Since then, I've noticed some radical changes in myself:

1. Finance. I've always considered myself fiscally-responsible. Not really splurging on things - rather, I was more-occupied with saving up for life expenses, like college tuitions. I've started listening to news more...figuring out when it's time to refinance my home (rates are low, btw!) Now realizing the value of that good credit I've been working on...

2. Fashion. Probably fueled by item #1 above. Since I've been "running my numbers", I started to get an idea of how much lower my monthly expenses would be. More disposable-income can be very dangerous and very powerful. My own social circle also changed. I find myself attending more weddings and sadly, some funerals as well. My attention focused on my wardrobe.

For the longest time, I've been jeans, t-shirt, and sneakers. Comfortable, inexpensive, long-lasting, totally inappropriate for these formal-events I keep getting invited to. Time to buy something really nice to wear. It's been well over fifteen years since I needed a new suit - I take pride in the fact that I can still fit into it. But it has broken stitches and the style just isn't relevant anymore. Now that I have the means, motive, and opportunity, it's time to commit a crime.

Research. I research the hell out of everything before I buy anything, especially when we're talking about a potential four-figure spend for a new look. For style and fashion, there's NO shortage of information. I've already read up on fully-canvassed vs. fused, which labels to avoid (pretty much every label I knew in my limited exposure to suitmakers), good tailoring and alterations, and which sources to acquire quality goods from. I've realized I don't need the most-expensive, I just want to feel good in what I have - that means spending that perfectly justifiable amount of money. And hey, if it's on sale with a newspaper coupon, all the better.

You always hear about how lottery-winners suddenly change. Well, not necessarily change, but how the money brings-out those long-dormant qualities in people. I suppose that's what this is, too. I didn't think I was a closet clothes-horse, but here I am, going slack-jawed at a $1,600.00 pair of John Lobb double-monk buckles while critiquing the lack of pick-stitching on someone's lapels...

Wish me luck.

facepalm

2010-07-12T05:43:00.000-07:00

I'm still trying to figure out a title for this particular post...maybe it'll come to me when I'm done explaining.

One of the websites I frequently read is Trendhunter. Gattina had initially exposed me to this, unbeknownst to her. I routinely gain inspiration from the posts on TH, and this particular day was no different. I saw a link for breast cups.

For those of you who haven't been keeping score, I've been sending Gattina some rather unique Christmas/birthday gifts - pretty much since I first knew her - spare me your pity. As it's now July, I started formulating ideas for this holiday season (hey, it's never too early to plan for your bestest bbf evar.) In this context, the breast cups intrigued me.

For those of you who haven't been keeping score, I'm also somewhat of a cautious shopper. I tend to research items compulsively before purchasing. I read the information about the breast cup product thoroughly. Apparently, the active ingredient is a rare Far-Eastern herb called Butea Superba. It sounded quite exotic and the scientific claims made on the rather descriptive webpage sounded magnificent. I decided to dig just a little further.

I was pleasantly surprised to find that the most-common usage of the Butea Superba herb was not breast cups - quite the contrary, actually. If we allow ourselves to correlate Google results to real-world application, then we can infer that the most-common usage of this particular ingredient is in fact....male enhancement.

Now, I applaud the practitioners and pharmacologists of Far Eastern medicine. How they can determine the effects of rare herbs that are present in the remotest corners of the globe just astounds me. I imagine that some local inhabitants happened across this particular plant, consumed it, then noticed its effects...and by word-of-mouth, started capitalizing on it.

However, I'm a bit skeptical at this new application for Butea Superba. Having studied biological science for many (many) years, I just can't believe that one particular plant can bring the benefits it claims to both male and female humans. Do I think that these Butea Superba harvesters are trying to find another market for their wonder-plant-extract? Possibly...

I could also be one-hundred-percent wrong. But this is Gattina's birthday present we're talking about. I just have the slightest discomfort in ordering what-amounts-to-Asian-Viagra - to apply to her bosoms. I just don't think I could do that to her.

Of course, if any of you are willing to try, or have already tried, these breast cups (which just so happen to be on a 2-for-1 sale) and provide feedback, I would greatly appreciate it.

Factory un-fresh

2010-06-16T11:46:00.000-07:00

This'll be a techie, nerdy post. I've been dorking around with my cellphone, finding out the new-ways-to-do-old-things, and hit one of those binary brick walls.

One of the critical activities I like to do with my phone, is use it as a cellular modem. "Tethering" my phone to my laptop through a USB cable, allows me to surf the internet on my wireless provider's signal. The advantage is that I can be online anywhere I can get signal bars. The disadvantage is the additional cost...that is, if I were on some non-SERO, charge you by the kilobyte, limited data plan....which I am not.

But back to task...it turns out that, while my phone could tether to my laptop successfully, I would always get the error message on the phone that the battery could not charge while being tethered. That seriously put a limiter on my otherwise unlimited broadband activities. I ensured that the usb cable I was using was high-speed/2.0 certified, and that my phone was loaded with the most-recent firmware. I also started seeing application slowdowns and java-incompatibilities with the browsers. The next step was to totally wipe the phone.

Now, when you wipe a phone, you erase all the installed applications as well as all the locally-stored music, photos, and contacts. For me, all of my music is stored on the microSD card (eight gigs...can you believe it), and the contacts are kept safe on an Exchange server. Using the appropriate button-combination, my phone was lobotomized back to the day it emerged from HTC's build plant. It re-connected to Sprint's CDMA signal, initialized itself, and (more-importantly) was able to charge it's battery while sharing the Internet. I can now surf all day, and still have battery life.

Here's another one. I'm also exploring DLNA. I've got Windows 7 and a Samsung LCD television. The TV has media players built in to it's firmware, along with an ethernet jack. Last night, I was successful in establishing a media playlist specifically for the television. I can drop any number of video, photo, or music files into the TV's playlist on my server, run over to the Samsung, then access that content via the built in applications. It's got pretty good codec awareness and I no longer have to copy content to a usb thumbdrive just for the TV.

The next step is to fix the "Play On" feature in Windows 7, where I can click on my file, and send it directly to the television instead of the TV's play-queue...it's not activating for me yet, but this may also require a firmware upgrade for the television (I'm one revision behind).

And in closing, Father's Day is coming up. I've asked for one of these. My Roku Soundbridge suddenly DIED in the middle of the night and I have no alarm clock now. I did an autopsy on it, but could not revive. There are plenty of iPod/iTouch docks out there that will function as an alarm clock....but you need an iPod....and owning one of those is strictly against my religion. Chumby is open-source, has an active discussion forum, founded on hackability, is priced right, and contains a snooze button. This will be exciting.

The Leaky Sink

2010-05-18T06:32:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, I gained a great deal of appreciation (and a bit of sympathy) for plumbers.

The bathroom faucet was beginning to leak. Since I knew nothing about repairing faucets, combined with the fact that the bathroom was a little outdated, pile-on an 8 year-old son who is ravenous about interior design and renovation, and top it all off with a Sunday morning meltdown by the children and the day's mission was clear: separate the kids by taking the son to Ikea and fix the bathroom.

The Ikea.com website provided all the details we needed for choosing a sink and faucet - right down to the local store's inventory. We headed out and returned with our items.

Shut the water off at the valves under the sink, have a bucket handy, unscrew the connections for the water lines and the drain, remove the plug plunger (which never worked reliably), and lift out.

For the new sink, attach the lines to the faucet and install the faucet onto the new sink (better do it now rather than when it's already installed in the cramped vanity), dry fit the drainage piping and cut them to length. Once you have everything set, lift out the sink one more time, run a bead of caulk around the vanity top, then lower the sink back on.

Post-Op notes:

Apparently, Europe uses 5/8" water valves. I had 3/8" installed, so I needed an adapter. $5.00 x2 (yes, but it was better than trying to replace my valves - that would've involved blowtorches)

Also, when you're going to Lowes for plastic parts, be sure to bring all the parts you want to fit together.

"Schedule 40" is plumberspeak for really thick PVC plastic parts.

Hose connections use compression to achieve a watertight union.

Be prepared to get a little wet.

Bathroom is dry and leak-free. Mission accomplished (and look at that smile)

The Mother's Day Present

2010-05-18T05:56:00.000-07:00

My son and I decided to do something special for mom/wife this year. Of course, I did the usual let-her-sleep-in / breakfast-in-bed thing. But we also had a present in mind.

Rewind a few months back and we decided to get rid of our living room torchiere lamp (a 90's era energy-sucking fire-hazard). We got this. I wanted to customize the lampshade, so I took a tip from eHow.com and shopped for some plastic. Instead of using sharpie markers, we decided on using paint (more on that later). My son idolizes David Bromstad, so his thought process was as follows:

Interview mom and find out what her favorite color scheme is. (She likes cool tones)
Use a heavy brush with stippling patterns and lots of gradation
Use a spray bottle of water to get the desired artistic effect

The tempera paints in the kid's art-center wouldn't hold up to the plastic and the water, so we took another trip to the crafts store and scored some acrylic paints. After some test paintings, we had a working solution.

She was quite surprised and loved the finished product. Happy Mother's Day!

TOYS!

2010-05-06T17:04:00.000-07:00

Boys and toys. You know the rest. Here's my latest:

528 MHz, 512MB, 3.2 MPx, WinMo 6.5, GPS, headphone jack, TouchFlo3D, tetherable, etc. I've got music, ringtones, and picture contacts already installed. I was prepared to flash the OS, but this model already came with the update applied.

Improvements desired:

Ability to delete mail messages when browsing them - right now, you have to open the message then delete.
Ability to mark messages in Inbox-view for mass deletion. As it stands, you have to delete messages one at a time.
More integration of contacts data with the other functions of the phone. For example, I should be able to search for a contact, then navigate to their address via the GPS. The Sprint navigation app doesn't even allow pasting in an address - you have to type it in manually.
Ability to delete music files from the Sprint Music application. They force you to use a file manager for tune removal.

The love affair continues...

And to show that I'm not totally heartless, I'm planning to spoil my wife with the following Mother's day presents:

A hand-painted lampshade. The artist would be our son.
A macro-lens for the DSLR camera (yeah, I want this too)
Dinner out or in, her choice
Kid-free day, duration dictated by her
Upgrade her phone to the HTC Touch Pro 2

The love affair continues...

My whereabouts

2010-04-19T06:52:00.000-07:00

I last reported about the new soundcard that I purchased. The PCI-Express X-Fi Titanium is working rather nicely. I've already submitted the rebate, so let's hope that gets processed without too much drama.

One tangible benefit with the new hardware is that it can handle my drumkit signal. Yes, I've adjusted the volume levels on the three pieces of equipment involved to get a live stream into Second Life. I'm tempted to close out my next DJ gig with a drum solo...

In other news, I read for a part in a SL Television series. Apparently, they make TV shows in Second Life, too. Well, the directors like me for the role of Zepplin - he's the teen love-interest in the series. Go figure.

I've also got to formulate an entry for a photo contest. I was supposed to go on a vacation to Europe, this week, but the planet had other intentions for me and my family.

Filed my taxes

2010-04-13T22:06:00.001-07:00

New sound, we hope

2010-04-09T09:51:00.000-07:00

A few months ago, the onboard audio on my Gigabyte motherboard suffered what I can only describe as an unrecoverable, electrical anomaly. Once that happened, the soundcard portions of the motherboard were unresponsive - no detection in windows, no reinstallation of drivers, etc...

As a temporary fix, I had to install an Audigy 2 PCI card. This was capable of handling routine audio (playback and dj duties), but I was getting a lot of distortion trying to stream my drumkit live through this method.

Fast-forward to today: NewEgg has a special on the Creative X-Fi Titanium PCI-Express card.

Of course, I was in the market, but I also needed to do some research, quickly...it has drivers for Windows 7 - 64-bit, it's got 96kHz sampling, user-selectable parameters, HDMI pinouts, and some optical interfaces. The PCI-Express bus will offload audio processing to the dedicated Creative hardware, hopefully lowering latency further. Apparently, no one else has been insane enough to specifically stream live drums through the X-Fi Titanium - but we can't have it all now, can we?

The card usually retails for $99. Using the promo code, EMCYRYW45, and sending in a $25 rebate, the final cost is $49.99 delivered tax-free. This promotion ends on 4/14.

How can you not...

2010-04-05T21:35:00.000-07:00

..give her absolutely everything she asks for?

Hope you had a very happy Easter.

Tak's Crack

2010-03-09T17:19:00.000-08:00

What Gattina is referring to, is a recipe for Momofuku's Crack Pie. Quoting the L.A. Times,

"It's ooey-gooey. Buttery and rich. Silky. Pillowy."

I have never made pie before. I usually stick with cakes and cookies, but if I were to choose a pie to make, well I's be makin' crack.

I followed the recipe with the following notations:

I used a 10-inch glass pie plate. Didn't alter the cooking times or temperatures.
The recipe yields 2 pies: I made the full recipe for the cookie-crust, but halved the recipe for the filling, resulting in one pie with crust and one separate batch of cookies.
After reading the comments on the recipe page, I added a half-teaspoon of corn starch to the filling mixture, because I was concerned my first pie would be a soupy mess. The cornstarch did thicken the pie - instead of gooey, it solidified into a nice, forkable custard.
The butter in the pie carmelized the cookie crust, giving me a very crisp, Florentine-like texture.
I prefer warm crack over cold crack.

The porn

Uncooked crack.

Right out of the oven. BE CAREFUL. This is full of sizzling butter. Let it settle down, then move to a rack and the fridge.

You can see how it crisped the crust and also how it expands during cooking.

After setting in the fridge. Even better warmed in the oven.

My 8 y.o. crack addict. He also helped dust the top of the pie.

THANK YOU, GATTINA! ILU

Party People in the house say "hey"

2010-02-27T11:25:00.000-08:00

"When kids hit one year old, it's like hanging out with a miniature drunk person." - J. Depp

My daughter is turning four in just a few hours. I've broken away from the weekend-long festivities to blog about....the cake...of course.

A week before, I had asked her what kind of birthday cake she wanted - and she immediately started spouting off names of her favorite cartoon characters, nearly hyperventilating herself. The crucial elements included:

Ni-Hao Kai Lan

Dora the Explorer

Hello Kitty

The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse characters

We also browsed through Google images for some source material that was acceptable to her. Once I had a rough idea of what to construct, I started Photoshopping a montage. This was going to be a photo-cake, so I had to plan accordingly.

For extra-credit, I found a rounded font similar to the Ni-Hao Kai Lan logo, color-matched the text and utilized some of the decorative inserts and elements. With photo-cakes, it's best to put the text in yourself, rather than risk having the baker write something in icing.

Here's the end result:

Bugs in the boobies

2010-02-24T09:39:00.000-08:00

Now that I have your attention...

I've been using the Emerald viewer for quite a while now - the implementation of breast-physics was just too good of a feature to pass up. However, there are a few things that have now tempted me away from the jigglyness.

1. I started to experience more and more Transaction errors with Emerald. I'll get a message box that will say something to the effect of "your transaction could not be processed." Shame on me for not capturing the exact text for you. But the end result is that I lose a linden here and there, while my balance temporarily goes to -1, requiring a relog.

2. The introduction of Linden Labs' SL 2.0 Beta viewer. There are several new features being introduced with this new viewer, some of which include:

a. Browser-like navigation for teleporting

b. A new sliding-menu motif for the main user interface

c. A separate tattoo-layer for avatars

d. An alpha-mask layer for avatars (no more invisiprims)

e. The ability to apply shared-media as a texture to a prim face. Not only video, but also browser sessions

I should re-iterate that the SL 2.0 is still in beta release, so expect the usual bugs, fixes, and changes. They've done a major overhaul on it, so you'll no doubt be fumbling around trying to find new ways of doing old things. Performance seems to be (for me) about the same for this viewer compared to Emerald.

If you're an early-adopter, or just curious, give it a look.

Less than three hours to go...

2010-02-20T21:17:00.000-08:00

Let me just say that this election has shown me something that I'd never thought I'd see. I know I had the support of my friends at the start of this election...but what I did NOT count on, were the friends of those friends coming out to support me.

People I had not heard from in a year just teleported in and freely gave their support. Then, THEY started asking their contacts to vote also. I sit here before you a humbled man.

Thank you, everyone who voted, and those of you who wished to, but could not. The results are still a long ways off, but with friends like you, there's no losing.

Happy Chinese New Year

2010-02-14T18:14:00.000-08:00

One thing I like about being Chinese...we get to celebrate the New Year twice.

The Kitchen Gods smiled on me tonight, since I was able to make the following dinner without triggering the smoke alarm:

Pan-fried potsticker dumplings

Bean-thread long-life noodles

Steamed broccoli

Soy sauce chicken

Broiled bacon-wrapped prawns

Oranges

Gung Hay Fat Choy, y'all.

Happy Valentine's Day

2010-02-14T17:44:00.000-08:00

Wishing you hopeless romantics out there a happy St.Valentine's Day.

Here's what I made my valentine:

Start with a heart-shaped chocolate cupcake

Dip some strawberries in chocolate-espresso syrup

Throw on some vanilla cream-cheese mousse

Needs crunch...so use an Oreo cookie

Some more chocolate-espresso sauce for the pornographers.

HVD - ILU

Running!

2010-02-09T07:57:00.000-08:00

My fellow citizens, it has come to this.

Forty-eight hours ago, I was informed of my nomination to be the next Mayor of Hard Alley. Running under the Teabagger Party ticket, I have thrust myself completely (ow) into this campaign. My friends have called upon me, and I fully intend to answer that call without delay, extra fees, or roaming charges.

But I cannot do this alone. There are just too many hairy palms to grease and too many poles that need holes. I am, therefore, calling you back, collect. Together, we can.

The election day is on Saturday, February the 20th. I can only surmise that voting equipment will be available for everyone to (ab)use on that date at that time. Between now and then, we must fight our way to victory. I have already initiated the first salvo in a long, hard, sweaty, throbbing political war. My friends, we battle an unknown enemy but I implore you to remain focused in our goal: The goal of putting me into that seat of power.

Show the grid that The Teabagger party will not lie limp in defeat. We are robust and full-bodied. We dive headfirst into the rolling waters. We dip ourselves into the gaping maw of the unknown.

If you would like Teabagger Party campaign promotional materials to display, please contact me. I have posters, buttons, and teabag pasties - all with full-modification rights at your disposal. Samples have been inserted below.

My name is Takashi Alekseev, and I approve this message.

Leaping

2010-01-16T18:57:00.000-08:00

Today, I started my conversion to Windows 7.

On my home server.

The one where all the family photos are kept.

Now, before you go and start wishing me your deepest condolences...let me just say that everything is proceeding along quite swimmingly. I haven't had any driver hiccups - in fact, I haven't had to load ANY drivers at all, so far.

I will also point out that I'm running the 64-bit version of Win 7 and I love how my PC is keeping up with me. Even my VMWare configuration is running (switching the individual virtual machines to Windows 7 will take some time).

I still have to load the "heavy" applications: SAM (with mysql), Photoshop, and Emerald.

..but I can count myself as being 64-bit now, taking advantage of all 4gigs of my RAM.

Metric Audio

2010-01-15T09:57:00.000-08:00

Gold, Guns, Girls by Metric added to my Playlist.

I played this track during my "Slumber Party" DJ Event at Hard Alley. I added the acoustic version here, because, as much as I love drums, I didn't want anything to get in the way of HER voice.

In Photoshop news: Maybe I should buy that tablet...all the cool kids seem to have one.

Food for thought

2010-01-05T09:16:00.000-08:00

For the Love of a Friend

2009-12-30T09:29:00.000-08:00

It started with a plurk...

The included hyperlink sends you to a silkscreen print of Damien Hirst's "For the Love of God" - mounted, framed, signed, and numbered. I was very aware of Gatt's deep admiration of Hirst's work, so I knew she wasn't messin' around this Christmas.

As much as I adore Gattina, nine-hundred pounds was not within my budget. I needed to find another way. Google led me to the Skull-A-Day project, specifically, project #343 - Pop-Up Skull.

Of course, the paper portion of the skull was only half of the total project, I needed to encrust this with jewels of some sort.

Did you know that during the holiday season, craft stores will offer all kinds of crazy sales? Neither did I. In a matter of minutes, I became intimately familiar with the "papercraft" section of my local A.C. Moore and inside that section, I found rhinestones.

To complicate matters further, the rhinestones were available in several diameters, ranging from extremely-tiny 2.5 millimeter to bling-nasty 5 millimeter. I settled on 3.5 - 4mm: small enough to provide a lot of glitz, but large enough to work with without going insane.

And then there is Swarovski.

"Swarovski Birthday Card". The very idea just seemed SO outlandish - fitting with the overall theme of reproducing Hirst's work. I bought 3 packs of Swarovski crystals to mix in - they really do shine better than the standard rhinestone.

All that was left was the decorative headpiece for the skull.

Did you know that pear-shaped, clear, flat-bottomed crystals are nigh-impossible (yes, nigh) to find? Neither did I.

Long story short, I defaulted to Martha Stewart of all people. She apparently has an entire line of self-adhesive papercrafting embellishments for your stalkerazzi needs. Damn her and her legion of offshore sweatshop workers. She may be a bitch that served hard-time, but for me, she provided exactly what I needed.

The centerpiece crystal had to be sourced from a bead shop: One of those mall-kiosks that

specialize in pendants and make-your-own jewelry. Clear, pear-shaped, just-the-right-size. Excellent. Time for assembly.

Anyone wanting to try this for themselves can download the PDF pattern.

Let me just say that there's nothing like the feel of a fresh X-Acto blade slicing through cardstock.

Once the pieces were cut and scored appropriately, it was time to start gluing. Each piece was individually glued and secured. My only regret is that I did not keep track of exactly how many stones I used for the card, but I estimate around 1,000.

During the assembly process, I gained an entirely new level of appreciation for Hirst, and what he might have experienced in creating his own work of art. At around stone 60, I started having my doubts about the piece. At stone 125, however, my wife called me insane - and that provided all the validation I needed.

The background paper is also from the craftstore's cardstock selection. It seemed stronger and more elegant than regular black construction paper.

While white craft glue was used for the rhinestones, I needed a different kind of adhesive for the large centerpiece jewel. Regular craft glue was too opaque and hot-melt glue was off-color. Fortunately, my 3 year old daughter was caught playing with Mighty Mendit (she's all better now, the glue washed off in the bubble bath). That stuff is highly-adhesive and totally clear - worked like a charm.

After testing the folding characteristics of the pieces, making sure none of the stones were loose, it was mounting time. I used blue painter's masking tape at first - it was low-tack and allowed me to reposition the pieces until I was satisfied with the effect. Once the final positions were set, I glued the tabs down and reinforced them with black electrical tape.

The end result:

After writing my birthday wishes for Gattina inside, I boxed it up and mailed it off - hoping it would arrive intact. When you do something like this, you start having nightmares of crumpled paper and an envelope full of loose rhinestones spilling out onto a hardwood floor.

I named the piece "For the Love of a Friend" in homage to Hirst, but also to convey how valuable I consider my own friendships.

Happy Birthday, Gattina.

Maybe I will do a "Hot For Zombies" Pop-Up book next...

Cakeporn

2009-11-19T06:32:00.000-08:00

Because I like to share with you guys: The birthday cake we made for my wife

A nicely-chopped ounce of semi-sweet, one of seven total.

My helpers

A shot of the inside: three layers, glued together with butter-toffee-mocha ganache

Plated, with fresh strawberries and mandarin oranges, whipped cream, and more chocolate drizzle.

Butter Toffee Mocha Ganache:

1 cup heavy cream
7 oz. semi-sweet chocolate, chopped fine
1 Tbsp flavored coffee grounds - I used a Butter Toffee K-cup from Gloria Jean's

1. Heat cream in saucepan over medium heat until bubbles form at the edge - cream will boil over violently if left unattended.
2. Add the flavored coffee grounds to the cream. Remove from heat and steep for 30 minutes - add more or less depending on strength of coffee you want in your ganache. Skim off and strain excess grounds.
3. Reheat flavored cream then pour over chocolate and whisk until smooth. Consistency should approach that of wall paint. Give whisk and spatula to helpers for cleaning.
4. Pour over cake and refrigerate for a smooth, glossy finish

Mashed

2009-11-10T05:49:00.000-08:00

Two more combined photos of me:

Ever since learning about colorizing photos in Photoshop, I've become much more dangerous:

I'll be updating my Flickr page with more.

Comments always welcome.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

2009-10-31T16:22:00.000-07:00

Have a happy and safe Hallow's Eve.

The Haunted Stripclub

2009-10-29T23:04:00.000-07:00

disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons real, imaginary, or other is purely coincidental.

It was a run-down, dilapidated sim. They say Old man Rust just let it all go to pieces once "the madness" started taking him. When they found him, they said he was trying to cut the evil out of his soul with a hacksaw. He's...harmless..now. After the operation. Lobotomy patients rarely cause any problems. He appears to respond to youporn videos of dwarves and emus.

"What are we doing here?" whined Calvin.

"You're not...scared, are you, baby?"

"Woman, I'll kick you in the nuts like I'm scared."

"Well, c'mon then, baby-boy". Yulia beckons him inside...wiggling those curvaceous hips and flashing that seductive grin.

Calvin mutters under his breath "Goddammit, I thought I was rid of this shithole..." He finds the circuit breaker for the room. Half of the lights flicker on, protesting their rude awakening.

From the entrance, they can barely recognize what was once a stripclub. Dust and spiderwebs appear to have overtaken much of the interior. Looming shadows consume the farthest corners. Squinting, they try to make out where the stages used to...

All of a sudden, they hear a metallic squeaking from above. The rhythmic, repetitious sound of...bedsprings?

"I thought you took all of the beds, Cal?"
"I did. I have all of mine"

Yulia and Calvin ascend the stairs to the second floor, the squeaking growing louder and louder. They arrive at the bedroom door.

Calvin yells "Tak, is that you? Could you and whatever-you're dating-this-week please stop?"

The squeaking continues, unfazed. Yulia stifles a giggle. Calvin reaches for the handle and opens the door.

The squeaking is deafening, they both avert their heads, covering their ears. Yulia finds the lightswitch.

The bed is empty, but the mattress continues slamming up and down, its metallic springs screaming for all their worth. Calvin recognizes something familiar and touches a spot on the bed. The mattress makes a few last gasps of rusty squeaks and expires.

"Oh, I see. Yeah, this is a Stoker Sex-Gen version 1.5. See? You can tell by the detailing. They were very buggy...lots of script errors. Didn't sell very well. Man, this is an antique. Hard must've been desperate to use one of these..."

"That squeaking." says Yulia with a shiver. "Ugh! If I had to listen to that all day, every day, I'd go..."

"..insane?" Calvin quickly answered. They both looked at each other and silently agreed to head back downstairs.

By now, their vision had adjusted to the reduced lighting. They can now clearly see the remains of the stage and the dancepoles. The stagelights were shattered, half of one stage appeared to be the loser in a chainsaw fight. Human-sized bitemarks decorated the barstools.

The poles all had deep gashes and dents in them, save one. Yulia hops up and runs her hands over the cold, dry metal. "This feels familiar" coughs Yulia as she mounts the dusty pole.

"It looks like Madman Hard took an axe to the others." Calvin peeks inside a hat, only to find a maggot-ridden corpse of a rabbit. "augh!" he screams, tossing the body outside.

"C'mon, Yulia...let's just go. We have better stripperpoles in our goddamn bathrooms for Christsakes..."

"Don't be such a buzzkill, Cal. I'm feeling that...thrill...again." Yulia quickly climbs to the top, executing an inverted downward spiralspin like it was her first stripper audition.

He cautiously looks around the club once more before taking a seat.

Just as he was getting comfortable with Yulia's one-woman show, the power goes out. Calvin curses Hard under his breath, like so many, many times before. The room is totally black and instantly grows cold.

Unable to see or hear anything, Calvin asks..."Yules...are you...?"

"calvin...please help me...."

A smoky glow envelops Yulia. Her body starts twisting, contorting in horrific directions. Her ankle pops with that sickening, wet sound you hear in butcher shops. Yulia starts screaming, crying for help. Her makeup is now a melted mess on her face.

Calvin is paralyzed in his seat, struggling to grasp what is happening...he feels a squeezing inside his own chest. He rips apart his shirt, tearing at the buttons. They both watch as Calvin's skin starts splitting, forming the words "a vingança é minha".

Yulia claws at the stage trying to make it to the door but the phantom mist refuses to let go. She looks back only to see her knee dislocate. She almost blacks out from the stabbing pain. A horrific laugh emerges from Calvin's throat. His body spasms in the chair as chains start wrapping themselves around his limbs, pulling downward into the floor. Flesh and bone give way as he's quickly reduced to a limbless torso, helplessly impaled on the shaft of the broken barstool. Blood pours onto the dusty wood flooring, his grey, pupil-less eyes roll in their sockets and he croaks the phrase "a vingança é minha"

On the brink of insanity, Yulia tries to concentrate...Russian? Italian? Latin?!?

Her left arm breaks in four places in a very ugly compound fracture. She howls like a tortured animal at the pain. Gritting her teeth, she struggles to the barstool, smearing the blood away with her one good arm, reading the carving in what-used-to-be-Calvin....listening again for the death whisper "a vingança é minha"

Portuguese!

She watches her world spin around, hearing her own neck snap. A chilling, tingling, merciful paralysis takes her. She swears hearing someone say "mwa ha har"...

Epilogue: Authorities are still trying to piece together yesterday's double-murder at Hard Alley. "The bodies were...disfigured." says Officer Dumart. "At present, there are no signs of anyone else involved. Investigators have also discovered the remains of a female neko ....possibly Mexican in origin....sealed inside a crude plywood cube. The cube itself was found submerged in the underground sewers of the club. Autopsy results are pending but it appears that the neko was buried inside the cube still alive."

I play with knives

2009-10-27T10:59:00.000-07:00

My daughter is a big fan of Hello Kitty. So, it's no surprise what she wanted for a jack-o-lantern this Halloween.

We draw Hello Kitty faces all the time. This is the first time I had to do it on a vegetable. Veggie peelers are awesome.

Happy Halloween

Zombiecakes

2009-10-24T15:27:00.001-07:00

Dessert is one of my hobbies. Having participated in Zombiefest 2009, seeing various RL ZombieWalks, and noticing a few undead-themed movies recently, I figured it was time to make a dessert-of-the-non-living.

Doing a GIS on Zombie Cupcake produced some interesting results. The brain-cake seemed too unpalatable to pull off, and I didn't have the right sculpting materials for the hand-rising-from-the-grave cake. I had marshmallows, some black frosting, and two children. Apparently, that was all I needed.

An important note about black cake frosting, it's actually concentrated dark green. When my kids started painting the frosting onto the marshmallows with one of their (clean) art-set paintbrushes, it gave the marshmallow a very dark-green, undead tint - perfect for zombieheads.

Happy Halloween, my friends.

Weird and Weirder: part one

2009-10-20T06:34:00.000-07:00

Oh, Warcraft, how I despise you. For hate's sake, I spit at you.

Allow me to explain.

My good friend, Skat, has been ever-consumed with the World of Warcrack. Pre-WoW, Skat and Leose were as inseparable as hookers and blow - actually, they still are....they quest together. Please reserve your vomiting for the end of the show.

In the other fakeworld known as SecondLife, there have been monumental breakthroughs in breast physics - relayed to me via my eternal friend, Megz. It is here where the weirdness truly begins.

Leo teleports into Hard Core and approaches me - I'm dancing on my stripperpole. He requests that I grow breasts so he can see them wobble.

"I did that two nights ago, srsly"

But, I value every client that enters and a request from a friend? Well, two clicks and I was a topless Taka-she.

Now, Hard Alley is not immune from lag. For those of you unfamiliar, lag is the annoying delay your viewer encounters, whether due to server/database processing, resource management, or other. It permeates the whole grid and Hard Alley in particular.

Leo teleports out, saying the sim was too laggy for him to see "the effect".

So he invites me to his house.

"Skat's really REALLY enjoying WoW, isn't she?"

We both feel Skatoulaki would have been the ideal choice to demonstrate jiggly-physics, but we had to play the hand we were dealt. I teleport over.

So, there I am, in Leo's beautiful lounge, transsexualized, fully naked, jumping up and down. He still cannot see my moobs shake.

So he does what any logical male would do.

He changes sex, too.

Now we're both in his living room jumping up and down. He's topless - wearing a very excellent pair of jeans and stiletto boots. I'm glad he took the time to change shoes, even though they were totally irrelevant to the exercise. I increase my cup size, trying to help matters along.

After a few minutes of this, he does see a bit of shake. We arrive at the conclusions that:

1. His house is also laggy
2. He could do with a physx-capable graphics card
3. I need to find a jumping-jack animation
4. Goddammit, Skat, I miss you.
5. I don't blame Skat, I blame WoW

Thanks, Leo.

Weird and Weirder: part two

2009-10-20T06:26:00.000-07:00

This is a recount of actual events in SecondLife. Identities have been altered for everyone's protection.

Date: Friday, October 16th, 2009

So, my evening at Hard Alley starts of with an IM from Megz.

She's got a surprise for me. It's waiting at the club.

I teleport over and there's a silver dancepole. It's got male dances in it! I love it so hard - like Jamie Gumm in "Silence of the Lambs"

It's Fetish Friday tonight.

Fast forward a few hours. I'm pantsless and my cock is on display. I'm still working the male dancepole for all I'm worth.

In walks a horse-avatar

[20:39] Mr. Happy is not in a good mood tonight

Again, tonight is Fetish-Friday, and we've both seen much worse than a Demon-unicorn. I start to entertain the guest:

[20:40] Takashi Alekseev: what's on your mind, Mr. Happy?
[20:40] Mr. Happy gruffs, "Beer was too warm and the women too cold...."
[20:40] Takashi Alekseev: Drink the woman, f*** the beer.

it's at this point, Mr. Happy tips me 500L

I profile surf him, because of his generosity...and am genuinely frightened by the 1st life photo.

[20:42] Mr. Happy taps his fingernails on the stage..

he tips me ANOTHER 500L. Time for a stall tactic.

[20:45] Takashi Alekseev: I'm getting in trouble tonight
[20:45] Talana Chiantelle: And how is that?
[20:45] Takashi Alekseev: I'm being spoiled royally
[20:45] Troy Halsey: nice
[20:45] Takashi Alekseev: Thank you again, Mr. Happy.

[20:47] Mr. Happy grumbles, his frustration mounting... his hard claws scratch the hard wood of the stage, his nostrils flare as he lets out a soft snarl.

[20:48] Takashi Alekseev wonders if the stallion needs some release...

(because I've never attempted gay bestiality before tonight.)

[20:49] Takashi Alekseev straddles the gigantic Hell-horse
[20:50] Takashi Alekseev grinds his hips deep into Mr. Happy's horsecrotch

I remind you, I'm still dancing on the Male pole, with my cock flailing about. And I used the gender-appropriate pronoun in my emote.

[20:51] Mr. Happy looks to Takashi as she straddles his torso... and snarls

This is what is known in the sex-industry as "a misunderstanding"

[20:52] Takashi Alekseev looks around nervously..."I've never done a large mammal before"
[20:53] Takashi Alekseev swallows hard and continues working on the tense Demonicorn.
[20:54] Mr. Happy snorts.. and pushes Takashi away.. growling as he realizes the efemminate dancer is a male..

Now, I'm wondering if his RL initials are N.S.Sherlock.

[21:00] Mr. Happy snarls a bit on his poor eyesight and sense of smell dulled by overuse of cocaine, he sees Talana dancing and runs his hands over her body.. finally gripping hr hair

So, in the course of a Friday evening, I have learned:

1. Fetish Fridays are dangerous in their leniency
2. "SLocaine" is a hell of a drug
3. The male dances in the dancepole apparently are not male enough
4. I need to make my pixelcock extremely large, neon yellow, with particles emitting from the tip
5. Demonicorns go gay for me...almost.

How was your day, sweetie?

Moar projects!

2009-10-15T12:56:00.000-07:00

Hi,

I'll be DJ'ing at Hard Alley tonight. The theme is "Naked with covers": A naked block party for everyone to enjoy, while listening to some unique renditions of other-artists-songs...As always, I welcome your requests.

Also, I'm working on a ghost story, which I shall voice-read to Hard Alley residents Halloween week. Others are also invited to participate.

Further out, the Hot for Zombies group is now focusing on a Zombie-Holiday extravaganza. I suppose Jesus could be considered the First Zombie...but I digress.

What A Week

2009-10-11T22:31:00.000-07:00

Zombiefest 2009 was a huge success. Over the course of three days, the group managed to raise over 1,300.00 USD for the International Red Cross.

I can't really recall how much I donated in zombie stripper tips, but I can say that I was auctioned for over 5,000 Lindens - I feel validated. Olivia Connaught got herself a Taka and a pair of shewz - no telling which she'll enjoy more. Emceeing the SCAB Burlesque stripshow was also an undead, pus-filled, maggot-ridden, limb-hacking tour-de-force. I love that.

Also, my introductory DJ night went swimmingly...for the first 45 minutes...then all the ladies left (lol!) I have many areas for improvement - and I can't put a price on that kind of knowledge.

aaand...I also updated my profile pic. "Chestwound" was getting old. I'll never trash that freebie hair, though. Anyway, here's the new me:
I'm just throwing this pic everywhere I can...Photoshop is both dangerous and beautiful. Hit me up if you want me to manipulate your pixels.

ZombieFest 2009: UPDATED LOCATION

2009-10-04T07:57:00.000-07:00

The Hot For Zombies group is raising funds to help the survivors of the massive earthquakes in Samoa and Indonesia. We have established ZombieFest 2009. Per the above flier, there will be freebies, music, unique merchandise, a date auction, kissing booths, incredible music, a burlesque show, formal ball, and still more.

One-hundred percent of all funds raised will be donated to the Red Cross.

Yours truly will be providing an exclusive avatar for sale: Shape (both male and female), skin, clothes, animations, and more all in one convenient package. According to XStreet and the search engine, it will be the only one of its kind in Second Life.

I will also be participating in the Zombie date auction. I invite you to bid for a great cause. So far, I haven't put very many restrictions on what could happen, should you win me. We'll just have to see how the evening goes, I suppose.

The venue will be held at: http://slurl.com/secondlife/Exodus/131/119/38

The Hot For Zombies group is a consciously-minded band of individuals. We strive to promote equality, harmony, and seek to benefit the living, dead, and those inbetween. Please contact me if you wish to join.

Dead is the new black.

Demanding Audio

2009-10-03T18:32:00.000-07:00

Ohai,

I've assumed Disc-Jockey responsibilities* for the Hard Core Strip Club - starting this Thursday night at 7PM SLT.

I would be honored at your presence. I've got a shiny, new SAM installation, Limewire (for your outlandish requests), and my mic is calibrated, so I've no excuses.

Do you?

* - not really spinning any "discs", but that's the title for now. Well, maybe the hard-drive platters count...

He 8

2009-09-19T21:06:00.000-07:00

Precisely eight years ago, my life changed.

Now, I don't remember every detail that happened during those twenty-four hours on September 19th 2001, but I vividly recall:

The tragedy of 9/11 still fresh on the newspapers headlines, and my doubts about the world and the humans living within it. But then, my son was born, and my world instantly shrank. We were now a family of three and he was the best distraction a father could ask for.

I remember when he emerged, he did not cry, and his eyes were wide open - he was beyond ready for the world. From that moment, I was determined not to waste that thirst for learning.

I remember sending out a page (yes, on a pager - I know I'm old) to an address list of impatient friends and relatives announcing his birth. it simply said "he out".

It's eight years later. He's still got that fantastic thirst for knowledge (as evidenced by the numerous teacher-parent conferences). He's inherited his father's sense of humor. He's extremely cute..and he's already charming the ladies, going so far as having a girl friend on his arm.

Happy Birthday, C.J.
I love you, son.

Om

2009-09-01T12:17:00.000-07:00

This post is more for my personal reference. Since I deal with problems and resolutions on an hourly basis, I find great value in documentation. That said, if you ever find yourself in front of a linux system, here are some sanity-preserving suggestions you should consider:

1. yum update: that's actually an acronym for Yellowdog Updater, Modified. This will ensure that every piece of code in your installation is updated to the latest published revisions. The very nature of open-source makes this almost a necessity: a programmer updates his code which needs to get published and distributed to all of the mirrored repositories, another developer follows suit. Before you know it, that freshly installed OS is staring in the face of 340 additional updates to process.

2. yum repositories: Do a google search for the YUM repositories specifically catering to your brand of OS (example: Yum repositories for CentOS). Add these entries to your /etc/yum.conf file, otherwise your update will not find the available packages.

3. PGP keys: With these publicly-visible packages, there are also security keys in place. Import them into your OS through: ssl --install

Oh, the title of this post. I got rather frustrated with this whole process (being spoiled by Windows Update), but gained clarity from Maya's suggestion of stepping away, meditating, and consuming a cup of tea.

/me now one with his linux server.

until the next time.

Hear it

2009-08-28T05:55:00.001-07:00

Last night, the Hot For Zombies group was kicking around tracks to play at the upcoming formal.

I have added my two suggestions to my playlist (over there to the left):

"Tear You Apart" by She Wants Revenge: It takes on a new identity when you imagine it being sung by a zombie.

"Dead Man's Party" by Oingo Boingo: A favorite of mine from the 80's. Obvious, really.

"She's So Cold" by The Rolling Stones: Again, listen to it from an undead perspective.

And I also included a cover of "Mexican Radio" because I heard Wall of Voodoo getting increased airplay last week...

Share and enjoy

Can I pick your brain for a second?

2009-08-26T10:02:00.000-07:00

I don't have a prom-date. If anyone is interested, I can provide a (non-clown, unfortunately) zombie-skin. Gender-swapping also not-out-of-the-question (but I would need advance notice to find a tasteful pair of shoes).

/me is not trying to sound too desperate.

National Topless Day

2009-08-25T08:12:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I didn't know about it until I happened across the link on CNN.

/me hopes for more coverage (ahem) on the issue.

Hooray for Boobies

We know how this will end.

2009-08-20T08:08:00.000-07:00

Yes, I stalkerize Skat on her blogs. To recap:

She's now in World of Warcraft. According to her, Leose persuaded her to start. She is now a ~~6th~~, ~~10th~~, ~~11th~~, fourteen-point-seven level Drainei killing arachnids. From a distance.

I am familiar with these sorts of MMORPGs...my son and I are questing through Wizard101 as I type. But, I have presented my evidence to both Skat and Leo regarding WoW: The addiction stories, the youtube videos, the lack-of-zombie-strippahs...

Skat, being Skat, sends me a "FREE World of Warcraft Trial!" offer.

/me facepalms

I am a sweetheart by nature. Rarely will I say "no" to someone. I enjoy life's little challenges.

...so....do you think this plate-armor will make me look fat?

Carma

2009-08-17T09:34:00.000-07:00

A few months ago, my precious-snowflake-of-a-daughter scribbled some swirly patterns..
...using a rock
...on the side of my car.

I'm a car-guy. I enjoy how compact-an-environment it represents. I especially enjoy making it run well and look clean. I also realize what they represent psychologically-speaking...what can I say? I'm a guy.

Anyway, for those two months, looking at the scratches each day - gave me perspective on parenting...and a mild ulcer.

Yesterday, I set out on washing and waxing my car/artist-canvas. It was a hot, sweaty, stifling day and it seemed like the washing, rinsing, vacuuming, claybarring, polishing, waxing, and buffing would never end. But after all was said and done, the scratches were gone.

Megan is only 3. Soon, before I know it, she'll be helping me buff-out the excess wax, turning the towel frequently.

Can I get course credit for this?

2009-08-11T09:53:00.000-07:00

There I was, onstage. Doing my schtick. Buttarama Amat (I recognize the latin, HA!) was my stripper-partner that night. We really start into the emotes, progressing to the 3-liners back-and-forth. Just putting on a show.

And a newbie rezzes in.

Let me be clear that I absolutely LOVE Hard Alley exactly for the fact that we get zero-minute residents. I mean, the FIRST THING that they do when they're born is to come HERE. Okay, maybe they stop to get a blingwatch...but then they come here.

Back to our newbie. I'll refer to him as "Pubert" for anonymity.

Now, buttarama (gods bless her horny heart), is doing what your typical hard-working working-girl is supposed to do - try to engage the customer(s) for monetary exchange.

And after a few proddings, we get:

[8:23] Pubert spanks ass

It's concise...it's spelled correctly....it could use a little embellishment and clarification...but on the whole, it gave me a creepy, who-are-we-dealing-with kinda feeling.

I wanted more.

Buttarama soldiered on. A few more emotes exchange between us, and Pubert chimes in again:

[8:32] Pubert rubs pussy

We're starting to question newbie's age-verification at this point. In retrospect, though, I doubt I would have done any better for day-zero. Actually, I'm certain: My day-zero was getting hired as a bartender - where I safely hid from the strippergirls - safe and secure behind my countertop. I also did not have any lindens as a newbie, so I can understand his lack of tipping - despite the VERY good show we were putting on.

Pubert did divulge more...mainly focusing on how he wanted to marry buttarama and have wolf-rabbit-babies with her (yes, he had a wolf avatar. Buttarama was sporting her Playboy bunny outfit). What also knocked me for a loop was him asking Zach on getting hired as a cop.

We seemed to have made a positive impression. With the raunchiest sim on the grid.

And, who knows? Maybe with time, our little Pubert might break out of his three-word prison....and stun us all.

Wishing Calie a Happy Birthday

2009-08-10T07:22:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday, Calie Warden!

If any of you psychopathic stalkerazzi see her in-world, do wish her a glorious birfday today - in person. She's twenty-something.

/me feels decrepit.

/me goes back to making keyboardcat/taquito/cookiejar/zombie/wolfshirt/british/oreo/nightstick/stilettoheel/blingwatch cake. With extra-bandwidth frosting.

Breaking Mirrors

2009-08-10T07:00:00.000-07:00

Bad luck, you say? Sometimes, there's no other alternative.

Not the silvered looking-glass devices you non-geeks are accustomed to. I'm referring to drive arrays. The 800-pound gorilla that is my terabyte data store needs to be re-done...that means backing up all the information to another drive (or 4), killing the existing RAID, making the new mirror (because all of this is destructive to data), and restoring the 900+ gigs of 1's and 0's. So much fun for so much pr0n.

While I'm on this thread, I should say that RAID arrays *ARE* effective as a full-time backup solution. Hard drives keep getting larger AND cheaper and one terabyte SATA at $70 or less is plenty of storage, even for me. If your platters are spinning 24/7 (as mine are), the chances of a disk going bad increase - so save your precious bits with redundant technology.

Wanna know my partitioning scheme? Check this out:

Drive 0: 80 GB SATA
40 GB C:\ this is for the Operating System only. Do not save your personal data here. When it dies (and it will), your data will not go with it. Keep this small, uncluttered, and defragmented for performance and management reasons.

40 GB D:\ this is for applications. Install all your software here. When you run setup.exe for whatever software you're loading, it'll give you the choice of where to install: Instead of c:\program files\blahblahblah, switch it to d:\blahblahblah. Located on the same spindle as the OS for performance

Drive 1: 1000 GB RAID-1 set
1000 GB X:\ This is where your personal data goes: music, videos, pictures, everything I don't want lost. I also keep copies of my installation media for all my applications here. When drive 0 goes bad, replace with a new drive 0 and a fresh install of windows and applications.

..and yes, you can mirror your OS, but I just don't see the value of having redundant OS files. The space is better used for my pr0nz.

Mirror

2009-08-05T05:47:00.000-07:00

..so this new motherboard I purchased...

(waits for Megz to stop laughing)

** begin rant **

Murphy's Law is definitely at work when trying to set up a RAID 1 on this board. In addition to the motherboard, here's an undocumented list of extra hardware and software you may need:

1. USB floppy drive - In order to load the driver in XP, you need to have the driver on a floppy disk. (link provided for those of you who do not remember floppy diskettes). The motherboard manufacturer and Microsoft both advise this method of RAID driver setup. That being said, this particular motherboard does not have a floppy disk interface - so conventional floppy drives will not work.

2. PS/2 keyboard - After I managed to get windows setup to recognize my RAID drives, it proceeded to read from the usb floppy disk - and lock-out my usb keyboard. I could not tell Windows to start installing on C:. So...one more reboot later with a PS/2 keyboard and I was loading my Windows files.

3. nLite - ...or so I thought. Even with the floppy disk successfully reading, the install asks for "Windows setup disk 1"...quite odd. To get around this (and the issues stemming from points 1 and 2), you can slipstream the driver into the Windows XP setup CD using a (FREE!) program called nLite. I know, it's alien voodoo-magic...but at this point, I was considering eBay'ing for a sacrificial goat. I re-burned my XP setup CD, armed with the AMD AHCI RAID driver for 32-bit XP and booted Windows setup once more...

4. Microsoft Vista* - ...and after windows setup formatted my C:\ partition, XP bluescreens with "please remove any recently added drive interfaces or hard drives". It never even gets to complete the Windows XP setup.

* - I have not attempted Vista installation for this motherboard just yet...that is an entirely different hive of scum and villany.

The system does run fine with XP and no mirrored-drives. (I even overvolted my RAM to 1033 speed) Also, in their defense, many of the motherboard companies have extremely poor RAID documentation, this one is no exception. But I am not going to compromise - I'm going to have a terabyte mirror.

That is what kept me from Hard Alley last night - and that's the part that hurts the most.

** end rant **

Single no longer

2009-07-30T21:56:00.000-07:00

You stalkers probably remember a little blurb in my profile about how I would marry anyone that could teach me how to sculpt.

I am pleased to announce that Maya Queller (of all people) took the time (out of the goodness of her own heart) to teach me Maya.

The 3D rendering program.

Not Maya the-person-that-hates-me-with-the-intensity-of-a-thousand-burning-suns.

..because learning *that* would take decades.

So, as SL-fate would have it, she divorced her current partner (co-owner of her store, Mehndi) and I could make good on my promise - I also *did* reimburse her for the divorce fee by-way-of Hard Core tip jar...so Hard got a percentage of that.

And she accepted!

Mazel-tov!

"Companion"

2009-07-26T14:16:00.001-07:00

"Companion" by Ray Caesar

This is a painting by RL digital artist, Ray Caesar. His subject matter seems to mesh childlike innocence and gruesome horror.

I bring this to your attention because Mr. Caesar's works are showcased at Gattina's newest exhibit. Not satisfied with slapping a screencapped texture onto a prim, Gattina and her team have enabled the works of Ray Caesar a bit of interactivity.

Approaching one of the paintings will thrust your avatar into the painting's scenery...

"Companion" featuring T. Alekseev

For this portrait, I purchased the hair, shape/skin, and outfit at the Hotel Dare. The room has a convenient poseball positioning your avatar into the perfect stance.

Through this, I was able to gain a deeper appreciation for the painting: The verdant setting, the prehistorically-porportioned flea with his bloated belly and chitinous legs, the off-the-shoulder shirt sleeve. All of these elements culminating to propel the theme of an unnatural/natural bond between a child and the obedient pet.

There are three other interactive works and five conventional paintings for you to enjoy.

Creative talents are: Marie Lauridsen, Katat0nik Pidgeon, Autumn Hykova, Leetha Moxie, and Daniel Luchador.
Artistic direction provided by: Gattina Dumpling

..and I ended up wearing the Caesar avatar all night. All that worrying about what to wear to the event...

Stuff n' junk

2009-07-21T11:43:00.000-07:00

Current events:

1. Tease: I have an event to attend this weekend that I cannot divulge publicly. Invitation only, it is staggering in its bulge-worthiness.

2. New Junk: As fallout from item #1, I've been considering upgrading my "look"...shopping for a new skin and a new peenor. Thank you, Leose for your invaluable advice.

3. Gluttonous: After 3 hunts, you'd think I'd be done shopping...yet, that suit at Aoharu looks really nice. (Justification - see item #1)

4. Some secrets should remain secret: Some whackjob claims to have deciphered the Colonel's Secret Recipe. I haven't read the recipe yet, but I imagine it starts off like a Penthouse Forum letter.

5. Lookin' for a man: No, not me. My good friend, Maya (who both adores and despises me) is in serious need of an arm accessory. He needs to be "good looking and normal"... Prospective candidates should immediately teleport to the Hard Alley sim, where they will be processed and evaluated.

That's all for now.

Risque

2009-07-16T11:03:00.000-07:00

"Risque"

pwning the hunt

2009-07-14T12:36:00.000-07:00

Hello.

I recently uncovered a new way to finish hunts. You'll need an alt (or a friend) and a text-based viewer. I *highly* recommend omvviewer light (which can be obtained here).

You'll be using the text-based viewer as a "seeing-eye-dog" (s.e.d).

1. Go to a hunt location with both your avatar and your s.e.d.
2. With the text-based viewer, do an Object search. You can use the default search radius of 25m to start.
3. Sort the results by name and check the top of the listing. Your hunt object should appear.

(Fig. 1: Hunt item found. Note the "Buy" and "Move to" buttons)

At this point, you can tell your Seeing-Eye-Dog to move to the object. Like an obedient golden retriever, your s.e.d will walk to the item's location. Follow closely and purchase, don't forget to cam up or down if necessary.

4. Open the item, teleport to the hunt's next location, then teleport your s.e.d to you. Repeat until the hunt is finished.

If the item is not found at first-pass, you can increase the search radius, or move your alt to another location, teleport your s.e.d with you and repeat steps 2 and 3.

I tried performing this with just one avatar, but the omvviewer inventory commands are lacking, so you need the graphical client to open the items to get the next landmark of the hunt.

Now, I realize the content creators want you to have fun with the hunts, explore their stores...and believe me, I totally support content creators (I was one, briefly). But, after all the hint-complaints, the frustration, the time lost, cheaters, outdated clues...I think this is a more-efficient way of finding what you are looking for.

..and isn't that what we all need?

(Ed. Note: Takashi will whore-out his seeing-eye-bitch abilities to anyone willing to pay)

TV moms

2009-07-13T14:12:00.000-07:00

I've been meditating on Leah Remini lately. The whole "hot-mom-hooks-up-with-average-shlub" dynamic makes "King of Queens" so watchable.

(this would be her..up there...shooting the cue ball....to the right of the Heineken bottle and behind the smouldering cigarette.)

Which led Calie to pose the question: Are there anti-Leah-Remini's on TV?

So, after a bit of pondering, I've compiled a list of Successful-TV-series-moms-slightly-less-physically-attractive-than-Leah-Remini. See if you can guess the series, character, and actress for each.

The take-home lesson: an endearing character doesn't necessarily need to have *unbelievable* physical attractiveness.

Update

2009-07-11T21:17:00.000-07:00

For those keeping track, I had entered a photo-contest for the Gaming Parlor that I frequent.

I won.

Here's the original blogpost featuring the photo.

/me runs off to find hookers and blow.

hunting...again...

2009-07-08T20:53:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm still alive.

I've been informed of another hunt for men (thanks, Calie).

All previous comments regarding the MHOH apply here as well. Guys and girls, find those fedoras.

Some summertime

2009-06-28T13:35:00.000-07:00

So, I've been keeping non-usual hours in SL, lately. Most of it is due to planned and forced vacations - I can do a work-day with 4 hours of sleep, but I cannot survive a full-day with my children. At your expense, we're having a blast. Just thought you should know.

To compound the issue is this Dell Latitude D630 laptop: normally, I order models with the upgraded nVidia graphics chips. In these desperate times of cost-cutting, the company has decided to configure the laptops with the less-expensive intel integrated graphics chips. Herein lies the problem, as the integrated intel chips seem to have an issue with SecondLife. Just a few minutes after teleporting in, the cpu hits 50% and lag makes the entire experience unworkable. It seems to be related to sculpts and scripts, as my sandbox seems to give me adequate chat-performance (but the conversation is less-than-stimulating there).

So, anyone considering a hardware purchase, I strongly advise the ATI or nVidia adapters over the integrated intel versions - for a better SecondLife.

For Fathers

2009-06-20T18:53:00.000-07:00

So, tomorrow is Father's Day. Since I'm a dad, my only suggestion is to avoid the necktie and underwear gifts (and combination necktie-underwear is NOT twice-as-good, despite what the advertising might say).

I've also been working on a contest entry for one of the Gaming parlors I frequent. Unintentionally, it does have a paternal-thread in its subject matter...

I suppose every cub requires a little assistance from his elders every now and then...

As a dad, I've had every one of those lions' expressions on my own face.

I photochopped two individual paintings and layered them together. Original source material: "A Friend in Need" by C.M Coolidge and "Daniel in the Lion's Den" by Peter Paul Reubens.

Happy Father's Day, Pop.

Raw

2009-06-18T09:58:00.000-07:00

Ohai,

Today is International Sushi Day. To commemorate this occasion, I have devised, what I believe, to be the world's first "Maya Musubi Roll"

Contents:

1 pressed square of sushi-rice
1 generous helping of chouriço (Portuguese sausage)
a dab of wasabi (she is a spicy one)
seaweed ribbon to tie it all together
coat the edges in flying-fish caviar (to appeal to her neko side)

pairs well with a cold beer or sake-on-ice.

..if she didn't hate me before...

Art

2009-06-15T10:27:00.000-07:00

Last evening, Gattina held a re-opening of The Hotel Dare. The overall concept was to have artists circulate through the hotel on a periodic basis. This is the fourth iteration of the Hotel and it is stunning.

I would just like to say that I don't intend to take anything away from the previous three versions of the Hotel, but what Gattina Dumpling, Daniel Luchador, Katat0nik Pidgeon, Marie Lauridsen, Allegory Malaprop, Helianthus Mesmer, and so many others have created is an unbelievable artistic experience. Building on Trevor Brown's initial artwork, they've constructed a fully-interactive hospital piece for your surgical explorations.

...involving dolls.

It resonates on many levels with me.

You should not stop at just the Hospital exhibit, there are several other artist-rooms that you need to see.

Thank you, Gatt.

The Hotel Dare

Writeup of the Hotel Dare by Juicy

What a Burning Man Might Listen To

2009-06-11T18:10:00.000-07:00

First track on the playlist: "Burn it to the Ground" by Nickelback

I should also mention, I have officially tossed-my-thong into the ring for the Hard Alley Stripper Auction. I'm hoping to garner at least eighty-two linden.

To get you in the bidding mood, I've also added to my playlist "eBay" by Weird Al Yankovic

snipe me.

Fashionably late

2009-06-08T07:42:00.000-07:00

What's a guy supposed to do with 151 stores' worth of freebies?

Make outfits and blog about them.

48 hours after posting, I finally get around to updating my own blog...to tell you about another blog. The Hard Alley personnel have taken it upon themselves to tell YOU what you should consider wearing.

http://hard-couture.blogspot.com

I've already posted an outfit comprised of the "Make Him Over" hunt, Megz has blogged about those kickass boots of hers (I think they have car speakers in them) as well as formulating the site's style, and Skat used her persuasive techniques (i.e. more lighter fluid) to actually get this project rolling.

You say you're allergic to text? Well, my friend, why have you not checked the Flickr site?

Don't make us do all the work. Beg Skat to become an editor. It may sting at first, but you'll grow to like it.

Do it now.

It's All Over

2009-06-04T08:29:00.000-07:00

No, I'm not leavin' if that's what you were thinking. (C'mon...srsly. Do you even KNOW me?)

But I have completed the "Make Him Over Hunt". Let me add my own "thank yous" to the thousands of others - the people involved really did an excellent job. Planning, content, follow-up support, the hint board - and the fact that I was able to tear through 151 locations (twice, because I'm an alt-fiend) in 48 hours should give you an idea how awesome this event really is. The hunt continues for the entire month, so there's plenty of time, but group notices indicate that at least one store has already withdrawn.

I'll be happily constructing new outfits with my bloated inventory. I suppose I have no more excuses for looking like a shlub now. My only regret was rushing through it all to finish it, I'll have to go back and find all the extra benefits the stores have to offer.

Tech comment #1: Wireframe-mode is your hunting-friend. Ctrl-Shift-R to toggle.

Tech comment #2: While I was on the hunt, I noticed a few stores had bot-mannequins for modelling outfits. However, with the recent updates to the LL Viewers, bots that are logged in with MetaBolt would not render - they would appear as fluffy, ephemeral clouds of bot-ness. Not very effective.

I discovered a text-based client called omvviewer, that rezzes the bots properly. It relies on gtk-sharp, which I've found, is prone to memory-errors, but if you have a need for viewable bots, you may want to log-your-bots-in with this instead of MetaBolt.

/me happily incinerates all of his Freebie-Dungeon possessions while wearing his bling-free wristwatch.

Vectors and such...

2009-06-01T10:50:00.001-07:00

Hello again.

I have a nerd friend. She sent me a link to: www.aviary.com

Now, I have an innate fear of all things ornithological (I tried desensitizing myself by marrying an Avian veterinarian - more on that some other day). I cautiously followed the link.

It turns out that it has relatively little to do with feathers, and a lot to do with online vector graphics generation. Yes, Megz, I'm lookin' at you.

Now, the site is still at toddler-two stage. It generates a b&w vector image for you, which you can then re-color. But what really intrigued me was how smooth it was to do graphics manipulation online. Can Photoshop be far behind? Just imagine being able to 'shop your textures in-world...

Also, last night I explored tag-team lapdancing for fun and profit. Zahara, we absolutely must do that again sometime.

..and there's a Make-Yo-Man hunt starting today. Perhaps I will finally discover that tasteful timepiece I've been longing for.

Thank you.

LOLs for Sanu

2009-05-26T07:25:00.000-07:00

Sanura Sakai, owner of the incredible Sanu Collars store, sent out a group notice last night. It seems (s)he's started a creative-writing website.

I found it irresistible.

It starts out innocently enough (you'll see where I've made my own contributions to try and....distort....the storyline)

Feel free to add. And visit Sanu's Store. Her creations are brilliant.

Thank you.

Horror Stripping: "The Watch"

2009-05-18T20:29:00.000-07:00

[19:47] Takashi Alekseev strips off his shirt for Bianca, only to draw more attention to the ROLEXXX (tm) on his wrist.
[19:50] Takashi Alekseev uses his bling-factory to reflect the stage lights right into Calie's eyes.
[19:57] Takashi Alekseev notices his watch is starting to turn his wrist green...
[19:58] Takashi Alekseev: an underlying rash starts to develop...
[19:59] Takashi Alekseev cannot find his antihistamines...he starts to swell...
[attach "Post-Thanksgiving" shape]
[20:00] Takashi Alekseev dances on.
[20:00] Takashi Alekseev: "kan I haz benadryl?"
[20:03] Takashi Alekseev 's tongue swells from the anaphylactic shock. Unable to speak, he motions desperately for his respirator mask.
[attach "Uniform Gas mask female"]
[20:05] Takashi Alekseev: the watch continues to invade his bodily systems. His hair starts falling out in large clumps.
[detach hair. Attach bald cap]
[20:07] Takashi Alekseev is unfazed. The dancing and stripping continue.
[20:09] Takashi Alekseev quickly shucks-off his slacks and throws them toward Calie, watching them sail through the air and land at her feet like a smouldering, black puddle of superfine wool.
[20:10] Takashi Alekseev: the evil watch continues its leprosy-like attack on his body, claiming his left leg.
[attach invisi-prim - l leg]
[20:11] Takashi Alekseev hops around the dancepole as best he can, unwiling to remove his wrist-accessory.
[20:15] Takashi Alekseev discards his black thong, slingshotting it over to Calie. With a great sigh, he completes his striptease before the hell-watch consumes him.
[take off underwear]
[20:17] Takashi Alekseev: the rash from his fake watch grows in intensity. His right hand bursts into flames.
[attach human torch fire prims]
[20:19] Takashi Alekseev: The fire spreads to his forearm and across his torso. Fueled by the corpulent body, the flames grow into a raging inferno on the dancepole.
[20:22] Takashi Alekseev collapses at the base of the pole. Nothing remains except the hideous watch - still sparkling...as it awaits its next victim.
[rez Rolexxx at base of dancepole]

Well, this isn't right...

2009-05-17T17:12:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Indie Rock held an auction to raise funds for cancer research. These Relay-for-Life (RFL) events happen every now and then across the entire grid. I was made aware of this particular fund-raiser because Gattina was one of the many fabulous individuals auctioning themselves for the cause.

The amounts quickly grew beyond what I was able to pay. So be it. Each and every one of them was worth all that and more. It was unbelievably fun watching the auctions proceed. Money was an afterthought as the auctionees were genuinely afraid of the bidders (and the immediate repercussions to follow) - some auctionees started bidding on themselves in a desperate act of self-preservation... such went the evening.

I am still committed to dropping a donation into their RFL kiosk, as the cancer-monster seems to be claiming more and more of my relatives (sad but true).

Add to this the recent announcement that Linden Labs has now decreed my favorite casino games to be illegal. To recap, Linden Labs forbids gambling. Games are to be skill-based only. Apparently, Jaded Jack and Jaded Stud include a chance-element that the Lindens are not comfortable with.

So be it.

One less addiction in my life (my addictions have addictions, yes). Stud-Jack, I'll miss you and your lavish jackpots and weekly contests...thanks for the $L.

What else....I've been told that I won't be getting that snazzy new E6400 laptop at the office. In a cost-cutting measure, they'll be sending me a Latitude D630 instead. I intend to use every cycle of that poor machine.

So be it.

To counteract all the negativity, I made cupcakes with my kids today. It was suggested to me to attempt making my own frosting - which is precisely what I did this time around.

Let me just say, when you give a child a mixer-paddle coated in cream-cheese frosting, you'll get back a paddle cleaner than anything you've ever seen before.

No exotic twists on the cups this time around. Fudge-chocolate cake, cream-cheese frosting (which turned out excellent, by the way), and some chocolate sprinkles.

Thank you.

Hi MOM

2009-05-08T11:37:00.000-07:00

In anticipation for this Sunday, I'm formulating some ideas of getting the children out of the house so my wife can do what she has dreamed of doing since the last Mother's Day: sleep in late, eat breakfast in bed (it would technically be brunch by the time she's awake and ready to eat), and garden.

The first two objectives are to be kid-free. Child-participation for gardening is left to her discretion at the time of the event. I'll need to add my usual twist for the menus of the day...

Happy Mother's Day to all you mom's out there.

Different kind of drumstick

2009-05-07T06:03:00.000-07:00

...but loved just as much.

I stared at the picture for....well...longer than a normal person would stare at a picture of cooked poultry.

nom

The rising cost of education

2009-05-05T18:53:00.000-07:00

Today's post is about education

My food-pimp, Calie (yes, it's Calie now) had her last day of class today. She informs me that she won't become an addle-minded lump of Crisco (mmmm....Crissssco) on the living-room sofa during the summer. Congratulations, Calie!

I play the drums. I have an acoustic-electronic converted kit - I built the triggers, mounts, and cables myself. It was a relatively straightforward, painless, well-researched, and very educational experience. That was eight years ago.

Fast-forward to today, and I'm looking to expand. My research has led me to two options:

1. Purchase a used module from eBay: Approximate cost - $700
or
2. Purchase a module DIY kit from Europe: Approximate cost - 150 euros

The first option is attractive in its simplicity. Plug it in and start playing. Its main drawback is its cost-for-convenience. Do I really need to know what goes on inside the magic box?

Door number two offers me the learning experience of building my own module, soldering all the components together, and ending up with a more-expandable, superior sounding (yes, I've seen and heard this product via online demo videos) product at a lower cost. How much lower depends on currency exchange rates.

I think I should get both.

For Maya, again

2009-04-28T07:19:00.000-07:00

Today's newest musical selection is inspired by Maya Queller. From Puddle of Mudd.

Top THAT, kitty cat!